its always darker before the dawn

"doomed from the start,

we met with a goodbye kiss, i broke my wrist.

it all kicked off, i had no choice

you said that you didnt mind, because

love is hard to find."

____________________

its 4 am here, i havent slept all night long.

we’re all just searching for something
bigger than we’re all able to find

and thats killing us every single day.

sometimes i feel like im worthless,

does anyone really care? want the answer? noh.
so we should get used to it and stop whining around
like disordered bitches.

"past is past baby," he whispered, "past is past."

time aint wasted, when you're gettin wasted

"she hides the pain behind the fun,she said she doesn't need anyone at all,they say she's living way too fast, I wonder how long she can last
before she falls -to the ground."

_____________________________________

You're about to embark on a private baltimore yacht party experience

unlike any other you've ever seen or heard about.

10 teenagers, one yacht, one jacuzzi, drinks. WHOAA

the problem is when you cant even remember the basics,

that sick must have been. today even though im hangovered, i feel nice.

you know why? because im sick of the humdrum. is it too bad that i wanna live?

im fuckin 17, i dont want to waste my life with things i dont even like.

sure, i cant change my past, but i really need to change my future.



calm down and smoke a blunt

I hate sticking my fingers down my throat and tasting throwing up,
I hate gagging, I hate feeling the food go up my esophagus,
through my throat and out my mouth.
I hate it so much but as much I hate it, I still love the control it gives me

i tried every single way i was tought to prevent myself from binging,

42 days purge-free and then, as always,

the stress-zone appeared and im down the rabbit hole, again.

island of the sun.

( La Jolla Shore, Summer 2011)

"i like your messy hair,

 i like the clothes you wear

i like the way you sind

and the way you dance with me

i dont know why i love you i just know
i cant stop thinking of you

its cause you make me smile,

you always make me smile."

_____________________

Whoa, i cant believe than in 23 days i'll be free,

no strings holding me back to baltimore,

only Europe and Georgetown. it will be sohh koool.

(the 100% nj accent now, haha)

_____________

nothing important's happening, and the exam mode is on

so bye bye sweethearts, SATs mathematics is mah fellow

for the rest of the day, aufwiedersehen. :}